WEEKEND THOUGHTS # 3

CHAKRA

Hi!

When I talked to my Australian friend, Norman, the other day over telephone, I must admit that a modicum of tension did creep into the conversation. It was not entirely my fault, however. It went like this. "So, dear chappie," he began. "Is it true that you folks up there actually had a snow-filled Christmas?" When I assured him earnestly that we did, he just wouldn't believe me. "Baloney," he said. "I don't believe you. Here in Adelaide, we just had a wonderfully sunny Christmas. Glorious summer lies right ahead. Just halfway up the globe, that's where you are, and you say you had snow ... incredible! I say hoot to that! The next thing you'd be telling me," he continued, "is that you people actually walk on your legs! Not on your head, like it is supposed to be done normally; like we do it in Autralia!" I took a deep breath. "Old boy," I said, at length. "Let me assure you that we do actually walk on our legs. I admit it might not be as elegant as walking on one's head, but that's the only way we have been taught, and ..." I was cut short by Norman, who hung up on me.

I was pretty cross with Australians for quite a few days after this. What cheek, I thought. Hanging up on me! And over something as insignificant as walking, too. This is a free world; walk on your feet, your head, your hands, your car, your TV set, whatever. But then you should be open minded about it, that's all I ask for.

So I pledged never to talk to Australians again, and a week passed by. Then, I received this article from Shishir Ranjan Ray, a young engineer working in Australia. I thought I'll just delete my mail, and pretend that the mail simply got lost on the information superhighway. But then he had also sent a copy to Debasmita Misra, so that ruled out my "lost mail" theory.

In this honest, straightforward and sincere article, Shishir writes what he thinks about the so-called modern Indian man. Is he really as polished in his thoughts as he pretends he is? Does he have two contrasting identities? Is he still the same primal, impulsive being he was centuries ago, expecting his spouse to submit to his whims and fancies?

The review is by Somdutt Behura, one of the most valuable contributors to ornet. A computer scientist by profession, this Houstonian lends a scientific, balanced and analytical flavor to his postings on ornet, as he does to his review here.

Regards,

Amitabh Mishra, January 19, 1996.
(amishra@cadev6.intel.com)


self-introduction

Name:           Shishir Ranjan Ray  

e-mail:         shishir@moldflow.com.au

Parents:        Durga Charan Patra (Landlord/Teacher),
                Pramila Bala Ray (Mathematician, Thank God for that!).

Date of Birth:  19th feb. 1970.

Place of Borth: Jatni, Puri.

School:         Most of my schooling was in boarding school from class 5
                to class 12.
                Class 5 - Class 7 - Argul M.E School.
                Class 8 - Class 10 - Puri Zilla School.
                Class 11 - Class 12 - Prananath College Khurda.

Tertiary:       Bachelor of Engineering in Mechanical Engineering.
                Victoria University  of Technology, Melbourne, Australia.

Employment:     Employed at Moldflow Pty. Ltd. as a Researcher with a
                contract towards getting my PhD in 1997.

Research Topic: Flow Simulation and Visualization of Viscoelastic
                Phenomena of Polymer Melt in Multi-Phase Injection Molding.

Hobbies:        I like most sports which I have heard of with
                the exception of Rugby and Aussie Rules Football.  I love
                Solving Pure Mathematical problems, I am privately
                researching and trying to develop a mathematical series
                simillar to the Fouriers series.  I like Photography (landscape).

Motivator:      So many of them to write down but my number one motivators
                are God, My Mother and Myself.

The Mask


This article is written from my experience with Indian couples and bachelors in Australia. I am not trying to put anybody down or bash my own sisters and brothers. I do not want to start a controversy or offend anybody. I just want to open the the eyes of this generation or may be the next one, and bring the issue forward rather ignoring it. Although this article portrays married men this also can be applied to unmarried or single men or women of any country race and religion.

Indian-Man, you must have seen one in some where. Here is an interesting article on them by an Indian. Let me define the terms Indian-Man and Indian, Indian-Man is the man born in India who may live anywhere in the world and is married to an Indian woman. While an Indian is anybody from India including Indian-Man. By no means is every Indian-Man are similar or as portrayed in this article.

Indian-Men are very good actors, they seem to live two different lives. One at workplace and other at home. The impression they put upon you at the workplace is they are sophisticated, mature, intelligent, softspoken and modern guys. At home, they are sexist, racist, rude and immature. In your face they support equality and harmony between sexes and races. But in private they dominate their wives and boast of their religion, caste etc. Indian-Men order their wives for coffee(drink), the order in Indian English literally goes like this: Smita(wife's name) coffee, she rushes, drops the work she is doing and brings the coffee to the husband. When the husband sees the wife with a cup(mostly glass, transparent) of coffee, he asks "what is it" and the wife replies, "coffee." It is really an amusing situation and it is difficult not to notice that. Has he forgotten that he ORDERED coffee and the SLAVE(wife) has no authority to change that? Why can't he get the coffee/water like he does at workplace?

Let's turn to household duties. Boy, Indian-Men are still in Pre-Pre-Pre-Pre-lim Pre tends to Negative Infinity-Historic phase of house- hold duties. Wives do all the work cleaning floor to cooking and doing dishes. Some times Indian-Men follow their wives when they are doing their work(slaving) and criticize it. Most amusing thing about it is they follow and criticize rather helping. They are a waste of space in home when it comes to home duties. Indian-Men always boast of their inability to cook. They are actually proud that they can not cook and their wives can do it for them! Most of these men's wives are submissive. It is sad and disgusting that a human being has to go through such oppressive and depressing lifestyle. The Author empathizes with their wives' agony. May God enlighten the husband, wife or both! Wives need permission to do everything even if they are going to get some thing for their husbands from the garden or some where inside the premises of the house. It is disgusting. Some of these men's wives are molded, brain-washed such a way that they do not realize that they are in an unequal, unharmonious and insecure(Psycological Violence) bondage(marriage). The wives look happy and content(may be they think their life is better than some or may be they do not know otherwise).

Abroad, Indian-Men think they are the cream of the crop(what a joke) and they are full of praise of themselves. They are very egocentric, arrogant and ignorant on social issues. They always point out that western marriage is no good and there are many divorces. But most of the Indian-Men's marriages are arranged marriage(not the real Indian arranged marriage where the persons do really fall in love then marry), sort of mail order bride marriage, the poor girl. Do not ask if the Indian-Man's marriage is arranged marriage unless you are prepared to listen to his infamous philosophical argument! They are always argumentative, it is amusing and hilarious to watch (beware, the noise level can exceed 90dBA, have ear plugs handy) when more than one Indian-Man are talking. To an outsider or even to an Indian (not Indian-Man) their discussion is like Hungarian goulash, utterly baseless and unproductive. It is incredible how the so called cream of the crop got into this baseless yelling match. May be in their discussion the Indian-Man feels good about himself if he is the loudest and dominates others by the sheer loudness of his voice.

Never show India in a poor light with respect to the west. They will furiously and ferociously argue otherwise. You will remember the incident rest of your life and wish that incident had never happened. If you praise India in front of them they look puzzled and speechless for a moment. Thinking that does the other person pulling his leg or other wise. When they meet a non-Indian they boast of their religion, culture, food and India, and always compare in equal terms with west. They can not stand any other food except Indian food with exception of potato chips, Coke etc. They believe the only people in the world with a culture are only them and always emphasize that the west does not have a culture and it is a big problem for the west. They think and mostly believe that they know every thing/subject in the world existing and waiting to be discovered.

Most of them have an inferiority complex, which makes them insecure and agitated when they are in a social event with non Indians(do not fooled by their calm innocent look). They are extremely good at playing with small children or shall I say babies. Because their maturity level is comparable with small children and they easily relate to children's psychology. Do not confuse with playing and looking after small children. They are useless in looking after them, their wives do that for them. Socially they are waiting to be developed like babies. But the sad thing is that the babies do develop but they do not.

Their wives may not be calling them by their names but with a name like Ai, hey, Moona ka Pa(Moona's father) or some other names. But they do not love pet names. Some of these Indian-Men may have a trimmed mustache, what the heck let me call it Indian-Man-Mustache because only they seem to have the style. In Indian-Man's family, wife may be obliged(say brain washed) to have complex irreversible family planning operation instead of husband.

Indian-Men are highly religious but not spiritual although they think they are. The author doubts that they even thought these two words together. Never ask them anything regarding religion. Their information or point of view is like a infinite time loop in your brain, could leave you with a headache. Some of them will claim they do not believe in religion(as Hinduism, Buddhism etc.) but at home you will see them praying religiously to a statue or a photo.

The greatest suffering is lack of awareness, unfortunately Indian-Men are there. May God help them!

Oh! what a life(feeling) Indian-Man(Toyota)!!!!!!!!!!


Review by Somdutt Behura

There is a delicate truth behind what the writer has asserted. But I found the language too oppressive. Instead of besmirching Indian husbands with so many negative words it would have been more approriate on the part of the writer to catch the essential points that play such crucial roles in Indian families. Starting from marriage to the laying of the foundation of a family is fret with many social abuses and injustice, mostly directed against our women folk. But I personally feel that a part of the responsibility goes to women folk themselves as well. The writer would have done a better job by highlighting those points which would have set a pointer for the curious mind. For example, the concept of dowry and its delicate equation in our present social base. Most of us would not consider any money coming through self volition from the bride's side as dowry. But that is essentially the most blatant cause of dowry, in a society where arranged marriage is the norm and the match is found from a hopelessly insignificant number of eligible professionals against multitude of eligible brides.

I put women equally responsible in this design, as I have yet to discover a woman in my life who did go through this oppressive process (the dowry victim) yet disliked her husband for not taking the right steps when initiating the relation. Sometime I feel how do they share the same bed, have physical relation and have kids (I am aware here about those cases where after marriage relations have broken because of dowry, but they are rare).

But the wirter is quite right in pointing out those behaviors that are played out between wife and husband without being conscious about its subtle implications. It is in those behaviors that an Indian husband needs to perform a complete overhaul.


Click here for some AFTER THOUGHTS received through personal communication and posting in ORNET


Your comments are always welcome...

SHISHIR
Shishir Ranjan Ray


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